To My Son {the 6 year old}

My dear, dear, Kaleb;

Today you turned 6. We had a great day. You requested "Spaghetti and Meatballs" for dinner and I made a cheesecake with raspberries for dessert. It turned out a little wonky because I couldn't get it out of the pan but you didn't complain.
You woke up with a smile, despite it being your 3rd day of school in a row. As usual, you start the day with a little unintended humour:

"Why do I have to go to school on my birthday? Can't I just take the day off?"
That's you. You make us laugh all.the.time. You are so funny and you don't even realize it. But boy, do you love seeing us laugh.
This year has had it's ups and downs and I hope you know how proud we are of you. You went through therapy like a champ and you've improved so much, because you've worked so hard. Even when you really, really didn't feel like it.. you'd look over at me, and then you'd finish.
Just for me.

This is a big year, you started Grade One, meaning that you now go to school every day, just like your big sister. I know it makes you feel big. And you are..
Sometimes when I go in your room before I go to bed, just to check on you and pull your blanket from around your neck.. (where it always seems to end up.) I stand back in awe and I just stare. Sometimes I even call Daddy in.

ROB. He is SO BIG. He looks like a teenager in his bed.

As bittersweet as it all is, we love you, and we love watching you grow and learn. We are incredibly blessed to have such an amazing son in our lives. I love you, Monkey.

Happy Birthday.

The First Day

Today was the first day of school for the big kids.

How proud am I of my little first and third graders? I couldn't even begin to tell you.

Separation Anxiety {Part Deux}

So this past weekend, I went to Rob's cousins bachelorette party in ottawa, which just happens to be a little over 3 hours away from home sweet home.

On friday night, I packed my belongings into a little bag, put what I needed into the back of my car, and wrote out a list for Rob.

I don't care what the house looks like when i get back, as long as there are four smiling faces.

I didn't sleep a wink. I tossed, I turned. I went through every possible terrible scenario in my head, as only a mother can.

On Saturday morning I dragged myself out of bed and spent the early hours with my babies. I don't think I put the littlest one down for an instant. I felt sick.

Rob, give me a reason not to go.. I'll stay home if you ask me to.

My loving husband just smiled knowingly and shook his head. He reasoned with me that of course I'm going. It's necessary, and that they were all going to be just fine.
Saturday afternoon, I gave their four faces one last (or seven) kisses, jumped in my car and started driving, without looking back.

Here I go

A few hours (and a few phone calls) later, I arrived at my destination and got myself ready to enjoy the night. The night went on, I had a good time and while I missed my family dearly, I didn't worry. Not once.
I called my sleepy husband in the wee hours of the morning and after some reassurance from him, I dozed off to the images of him and the littlest one fast asleep in our bed, the older kids safe and sound in theirs.
I called again as soon as I woke up in the morning, while I was basically strapped in a chair, relieving my body from a night without nursing.

"He was an angel, Mama. You'd be so proud."

My heart swelled with both pride and a little bit of sadness. (That whole irrational thinking that we get about our babies not needing us so badly) and I told him how much I couldn't wait to see their faces.
When I finally turned into our driveway after another few hours of driving, I was greeted my two running, soaking wet kids in their swimsuits, screaming at me how much they had missed me and how happy they were that I was home.

Swallow that lump, Janyne. If you cry, they're going to think something is wrong. And oh, there is nothing in the world that has ever felt so right.

My husband walks out of the house, carrying the littlest one who is smiling an ear-to-ear grin, and stretches his little arms out towards me.

"He was perfect, Mama. I told him, too. I thanked him for being so good for Dad."

They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder and there have never been truer words spoken. After only one night away, I have never felt more at home.

This is the life I was meant to live. This is home. This is happiness.

I must have done something right in my life to deserve this..

<3<3<3