Wordless Wednesday {Window into the soul}

On changing, adjusting and healing.

We've had a rough start this week.. on Sunday things went wrong at work and I didn't walk through the doors into the comfort of home until 3am.
The next morning after a rather sleepless night, I awoke to a toddler who had developed a fever and subsequently, a clingy disposition. Just one of those things.
Luckily that boy does love his naps and we enjoyed a blissful 2 hours snuggled warm and close in my bed.
Last night, the fever came back with a vengeance and so our night was rough yet again.. but I look forward to cuddling with him in a few hours, allowing our bodies and minds to catch up.

This is all relative, unfortunately. I think my poor Trenton has had all but an easy time adjusting to his ever-present mama returning to the work force.. and although I know the socialization and structure of being in daycare throughout the day is good for him, it breaks my heart to see him struggle with changes, and a part of me wishes that I could wrap him up and hide somewhere, where it could be just the two of us and all his little fears and feelings would just go away and he could stay my tiny mama's boy forever and ever.
Alas, life doesn't work like that, and come tomorrow I will spend another evening away, another evening where I don't get to tuck him in, safe and warm and kiss his nose before he drifts off to sleep. I will sneak in once I arrive and steal a touch of his cheek and whisper an "I love you" after he is already lost in dreamland.

But for today, It's just you and me.

The boy that nobody knows.

He sits, quietly, immersed and lost in his own world. He builds, he creates, he imagines.
A world all his own, where he is king.
Tall towers, skyscrapers, spaceships, airplanes, fast cars.
Apple trees, music, dessert before dinner.
Houses made from blocks, changed on a whim.

A world with no noise, no confusion, no words. Just understanding.
Where nobody says hurtful words, or throws daggers from their eyes,
straight through his heart.

He doesn't know it yet but one day he'll break free.
He'll jump over the hurdles, clear them with ease.
He'll turn his back on the words, the noise, the confusion.
There is nothing that can hold him back.
King of his world.
One day.

Wordless Wednesday {Peekaboo}

365 days, come and gone.

So, christmas has come and gone and there may as well have been crickets chirping over at mamabee. I have not forgotten, just pushed aside while I try and claw my way through the chaos and allow myself a few minutes of time to write.

Between starting a new job, keeping a house, running ragged after 3 busy kids and trying to keep calm through a hectic time of year.. I've been trying to enjoy a rare cup of coffee without tap, tapping at the keyboard.

In a few short days, the new year will be upon us.. 2012.. I can't help but wonder what the new year will bring.. there have been so many changes as of late, both good and not so good. 2012 will bring the 9th year of parenthood upon me as my oldest child and only daughter celebrates her last year in the single digits.. whether I'm ready for it or not, and the end of the year may bring preparations of putting our home on the market and moving onto something better (and closer to work!). Big changes. Bring it on.

Life is good.. busy, bustling, .. but good.
We are happy, we are whole. Through another year we stand together, hands clasped, facing what comes our way, ready for anything.

Happy new year friends, may it bring love, joy and laughter to you and yours.

Untitled.

Have you ever wondered why so many women cry so easily and so often?


 Our shoulders are strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.
 We have the inner strength to endure both childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from our children.

 We have a hardness that allows us to keep going when everyone else gives up, and the strength and desire to take care of our family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.
 We have the sensitivity to love our children under any and all circumstances, even if our child says words that hurt us, or they turn their back on us.

We have the strength to carry our husbands through his faults, the desire to protect his heart,
  and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally, we have a tear to shed. This is ours exclusively to use whenever it is needed.



"The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair...
The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."

November, come and gone.

This month is going by so fast, just like last month and the one before.

November brought a first birthday to our youngest and the first, albeit light, snowfall. Winter is upon us, friends.. are you ready? I'm so not. If it could stay september all year round I would be a happy, happy girl.
I must say though, we are coming up to christmas much more prepared than ever before, and I hope it;s a sign of things to come.. the time of year is so much less stressful when you take it one day at a time and don't attempt to cram it all into a few short weeks.
This will be the first year in a long time that we will be staying home for Christmas.. with my new job among other things, we decided that a quiet Christmas is what we want this year.. us at home, the kids actually getting to play with their new toys on Christmas day, and a nice dinner, followed by a long sleep... it will definitely feel strange though, we haven't had such a holiday in a long time now and something will feel off about not rushing around and being surrounded by the family that we adore. I'm not sure that this will be a routine, but for this year, it works.

We have a few things on our calander over the next few weeks, my work christmas party is on Sunday.. Rob's birthday party is on the 6th, and his work Christmas party is on the 10th. His employer really goes above and beyond for their annual event. It is an overnight stay, and up until now has always been held at a lovely place called Eganridge in Bobcaygeon. (http://www.eganridge.com/) Last year, we brought a 4 week old Trenton along with us, and he slept almost the whole time. This year, it's at a lovely place called Viamede in Stoney Lake (http://www.viamede.com/) and there will be no children joining us. We're both looking forward to the event, but mostly to curling up at the end of the night in bed beside a crackling fire, with a beautiful view of the lake.

How are you spending your holidays? Do you have special traditions within your family? Are your December days mostly quiet or very busy?

Wordless Wednesday: Flashback.

On this day.. one year ago.

This photo was taken on November 16th, 2010. 6 days after baby T was born.
I remember this day, even though much of it was spent just like the image depicts.. sleeping, with my new baby in my arms. I remember that Rob had taken the older kids out while Trenton and I slept off the exhaustion of the past week.. we spent the whole day on the couch together, nursing, talking, cuddling, sleeping.
Rob came in with the kids at the end of the day and took this photo of us.

I remember that this way the day that the fogginess started to clear, this was the day the reality of life settled in. This was the day my emotions hit me like a rock to my stomach.
I remember how I felt.. I felt like the luckiest person to ever walk the planet, I was completely blissed... I was staring in awe at the family we had created, the family that was finally complete.. and that's exactly how I felt.. complete. Like if I died at that very moment, there would be no regret.

As long as I live, I will remember that feeling. Through the hardships, through the financial difficulties and arguments and angsty teenagers, I will remember that feeling. I will remember my purpose on this planet and remember how lucky and loved I am. I will remember that I have felt love deeper than I could have ever imagined. I will remember that I felt complete.

What else in the world could I ever need?

Twelve Months Of Trenton {Twelve}

Dear Trenton;

It happened. a whole twelve months have passed since you came into the world. Despite my efforts to make the year happen as slowly as possible, it flew by, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
You're a whole year old.

It seems like someone flipped a switch the minute you turned one. Your words sound clearer, your steps are strong and determined, you know exactly what you want.
You have lots of words now, "Mama, Dada, Baba, Milk, Yeah..." I think my favourites are when you call your sister.. you go toddling toward her room with a firm, "Heeeyeeeee!" She loves it as much as I do. The other is when you see the cat, Otep. You point, and smack your lips and say "Owwwww" which means Otep, we know, because it's the only time we hear that sound come from your mouth. It's pretty much the cutest thing ever.

You're not only walking, you're almost running now. You love being able to walk on your own outside and explore. It will be so much fun watching you toddle around in your snowsuit and discover the snow for the first time.
You seem to like daycare, but you only just stopped crying at dropoff.. but every time I pick you up, you are all smiles.
You're incredibly cheeky.. you know exactly what "No" means, and when we say it, you give us this hilarious grin that says "What are you going to do about it?"

Your personality develops a little more with each passing day and I am having a blast getting to know the little you. I could just explode, I love you so much.

I am happy that this project is done, I don't think we would have successfully gotten another photo... you were not having it by the end.. but I know I'll be glad that we stuck through and did it together. It will be nice to look back on.

I love you, little man. Here's to the next year.

Twelve Months of Trenton {Eleven}

I am seriously, unforgivably, inexcusably late in writing this update. I only have one more of these to go.. can you believe it? It's a blessing in disguise though, because I don't think we'd be able to continue even if I wanted to.. it has become next to impossible to take a decent picture of you, you are all.over.the.place.
You wiggle and laugh and roll and turn and shoot me this look that says, "Lay still? Mama, you cannot be serious." You don't even look like yourself in these shots!
As hard as it is to take your picture these last few months, I'm so, so happy that we did this little project together.. seeing the changes, watching you grow before my eyes, writing all about your personality and milestones.. it's been a challenge, but one that I can enjoy for the rest of my life.

This month, at the very, very end, you took your first steps. It wasn't even so much that you took the steps that was so emotional, it was how.
Oma and Opa came over for a visit on this day.. but it wasn't the good kind. Oma sat me down on the couch and explained that they wouldn't be joining us for Thanksgiving dinner, as planned.. that she was having surgery on the friday before, and that it was because they were removing a lump from her breast. She was telling me that she has been diagnosed with breast cancer.
With the blink of an eye our light and airy visit turned heavy, as I harboured and processed the news that the only family we have here is sick. I watched the woman whom I consider to be one of the strongest, break down right there in my living room, telling me that giving me this news is the hardest thing she's ever done.
Soon after, Daddy, Hailey, Kaleb and Opa joined us in the living room, and we went on pretending all was well.. for you and your siblings, of course...
I sat on the floor with you.You stood, using my legs as support, and just like that, took 5 whole steps to Oma. 5 steps that meant the world to us at that moment.

You haven't stopped since. You were cautious at first, as soon as you'd realize there was nobody holding onto you, you'd drop down on your bum. Now, you can stand up, unsupported from sitting, and take brave steps all the time.
You're walking into your second year on this earth, without fear.. because you know that Mama and Daddy and right there behind you, and always will be.

Happy 11 months, baby boy. Thank you for being you.

30 Day Challenge {Day 5}

Day 5- From a high angle
                                 
                                   

30 Day Challenge {Day 3&4}

I'm doing this as 2 parts for a reason. Day 3 is supposed to be a picture of clouds. Simple enough, however.. all we have is clouds. No contrasting blue sky, just grey, dreary, overcast, rainy skies. I thought it would have cleared up, giving me an opportunity to get a nicer picture, but no such luck.

Onward.

Day 3- Clouds.

Day 4- Something green.
Baby T's favourite, snuggly blanket. Hand-crocheted with love by a friend.

Babyhood {& how it's coming to a close}

Walking.

The baby is walking.

Stumbly still, and only when he doesn't realize that nobody has ahold of him (when he does realize, he promptly sits down)but there have been enough steps in a row for me to say, without hesitation, that he is walking.

Funny how something that makes me well up with sadness and nostalgia can, at the exact same moment, make me well up with immense joy and pride.

My baby. Walking.

A little bit of rainy day inspiration.

SOURCE

30 Day Challenge {Day Two}

Day Two- What you wore today.

Here we go again with the bad quality cell-phone pictures.. I'm not getting off to a very good start here. Perhaps I should have started when the battery situation for the real camera was worked out? Oh well. It is what it is. Maybe next week. =)



I am not one to fuss over my body, or what goes on my body. Never have, probably never will.
While I do feel nice every so often when I have a reason to dress up, those are few and far between.
I'm happy when the clothes I'm wearing are comfortable and fit properly. Being a very (very!) short person.. ( 5,1 with shoes ) paired with having a curvy shape and being heavy chested, finding those clothes can be a challenge. Pants are either too long or the waist doesn't fit properly, or shirts are too short, or too long and too tight, or all of the above.
Like I said, comfy with a good fit... also easy access for breastfeeding, which usually means layers.
 That's what this girl likes. No muss, no fuss.

Today, is Saturday. Housework day. I'm wearing jeans, a white tank top & green tshirt, with a black sweater overtop (Hello 9C weather today!! brrr...)

Now that that's over with, can we talk about something interesting? ;)

30 Day Challenge {Day One}

Day One- A Self Portrait.

Exactly zero effort was put into today's picture, due to me being a sinus-infected, exhausted excuse for a human being who just finished putting away 5 loads of laundry.

From Tree to Table {Hello, Autumn}

*Please excuse the horrible quality of the photos in these posts. They were all taken with the iPhone since I am apparantly too scatter-brained to fix the battery situation in my camera.

Autumn is by far my favourite season. Perfect hoodie & jeans weather, cool breezes, beautiful coulours, the crunch of leaves, the smells. Perfection.
Fall is our house means lots of baked good and the smell of cinnamon.. the kids (and husband!) have come to expect the annual trip to the orchard, picking out pumpkins and hot apple cider.
Even our wedding had notes of our family traditions, we were married in October and a few weeks prior, away we went to the orchard, lovingly picked each apple, and then slow-cooked and canned apple butter to give our guests as favors.

This year, we came home with 2 little pumpkins, some cider and 4 bags of apples. Some for eating, some for baking.

Last night I made pie and apple crisp the kitchen was filled with smells of baked apple, cinnamon and love.

What is your favourite season? What are some of your family traditions that bring warmth on cold days?

Happy Autumn .Happy Home.
                 
                                            
  

Transition.

Please do excuse my recent lack of presence here.. I promise things are okay, just very, very busy.

I just finished my first week back at work after more than 3 years at home. The decision was not sudden, as it may seem to have been.. but was just the opposite in fact.

I've known that I wasn't going to be staying home much longer for about 2 years. I decided that once both older kids started school full-time, I'd start the transition.
The decision to stay home was not made lightly, either.. it was a combination of buying a house out of town, having a child at home, and Kaleb's diagnosis that made my mind up for me.

I'm only back part-time, for now.. I need to be at home with Trenton a few days a week. He has been watched by a friend this week, and starts at daycare on Wednesday, which is something I am so happy about. I was really nervous while doing the interview process at a few dayhomes, and I failed to find a connection that made the prospect of returning to work seem worthwhile. I decided to interview the public daycare center here (which size is relative to the size of our town) and I breathed a sigh of relief. T seemed at home the moment we set him on the floor of the infant room.
The peace of mind I will feel at work, knowing that my baby is happy and well taken care of is worth everything in the world.

So that's what's been happening as of late.

I'm settling in at work, doing advertising and PR for a local real estate company. It's pretty cushy as far as I'm concerned.. I have great hours, I'm able to get the kids off to school in the morning and I'm home for dinner. I have a great boss with 4 children and the ability to see my need for flexibility.

It's perfect fit, and life is good.

Recipe Time! {Italian Wedding Soup}

There are lots and lots of versions of Italian Wedding Soup, all of which my husband and I are quite fond of. This is my version.

Here's what you'll need:

1Lb of Ground Turkey
1/4 C of Breadcrumbs
1 Egg
5C of Stock (I used chicken, vegetable would be just as good, wouldn't recommend beef)
1 Tbs Olive Oil
1 Small Onion, Chopped.
1.5 C of Acini Di Pepe Pasta (You could also use Orzo, or any small pasta)
Lots and Lots of Spinach

Saute onions in the olive oil in a large soup pot (Did I mention this is a one-pot recipe? Even better!) on low heat. Meanwhile, combine turkey, breadcrumbs and egg. Form into small balls, add to onion and cook until evenly browned.
Add the stock and pasta, cook over medium heat for 7-10 minutes or until pasta is cooked.
Add spinach. If you're using fresh, you'll need alot.. I fill the pot to the very top, and then replace the lid and simmer for another 5-7 minutes, or until the spinach has wilted, and there is just the right amount, so I'd say to go by your tastes.

Add pepper to taste, enjoy!