Letting my weight get the best of me {A promise to myself}

This is really hard to type out and post somewhat publicly. I have a feeling that the "Publish Post" button is going to look alot more daunting than usual.

The truth is, as of late I have felt like a stranger trapped in my own body. Take some bad genes, a winter, a pregnancy, mild depression and a moderately sedentary lifestyle and you've got yourself an overweight an unhappy person.

Over the years, my weight has always been a struggle and a constant burden, if you will. It is always something that I have been self-conscious about, even when I was quite small, before having my first child, at around 105 pounds. I don't know why I have always been up and down.. I'll go from a healthy 130, up and down by 30 pounds or more within 6 months.

I need to stop allowing my weight to have control over my life. I know that I will never be the same shape or size I was before having children, and that's something that I'm okay with.. but it doesn't mean that I have to be overweight, or unhappy. I think that admitting the fact that it is real, and deciding to make the small changes that I need to make is the first step, and that's what I'm doing now. Why should I let something so trivial have such a huge effect on my happiness? I shouldn't.. and I won't.

I don't like the way I look, I don't like the way I feel. I don't like my lack of energy and whe way my clothes (don't) fit. I know that I'm limited.. I can't count calories and limit myswelf while my body is nourishing the baby.. but I'm going to do what I can.. something has got to give.