The Stay-At-Home Stigma.

**Originally posted @LJ on 8/19/09**
So, I've been mulling this over in my head for quite some time. Thinking about how or when to write this post.
Recently, there was a comment made that broke the camel's back.. so to speak.

It's sick how often I encounter this issue.
The conversation goes something like this:

Person: So, what do you do?

Me: Do?

Person: For a living.. what do you do for work?

Me: I don't. I stay at home with the kids.

Response #1: Oh... really? That must be nice for you...... (hint of sarcasm, jealousy, resentment.. all of the above)

Response #2: Oh! God! I could never do that!!!!!

Response #3: Wow... Why?! Your kids aren't babies anymore you know...
Response #4: (crickets) Chirp! Chirp! Chirp!

So.
I have been left no choice but to feel completely stripped of all dignity whenever the dreaded question arises. I have been left no choice but to automatically place up a defensive guard awaiting their response, which is usually one of the above options, or the very, very rare occasion, when someone says to me in am approving tone; "That's great!" or "Good for you!"

Why am I supposed to feel ashamed of the fact that I am a full-time, stay-at-home-mom?
Let's go over some facts, shall we?
Firstly, I am so, so grateful that we are able to live this lifestyle. Realistically, I'm sure there are moms who would love the opportunity to stay at home with their kids but can't handle it either financially or socially, or their partners don't agree or whatever. So yes, I am  grateful..
Secondly, we are able to afford it. We do not, by any stretch of the imagination live in any kind of poverty. I have a hard working partner, and we are financially sound. We own a home, cars and plenty of useless toys that we don't need. Our children are fed, clean, housed and absolutely do not want for anything.

Now that we have that clear, let's go over some myths!
One: I am not uneducated. Yes, I graduated from high school. Oh my, I even went to university *gasp* I had a career, and I have career goals. Those goals, however, have been moved aside for the time being, while our children are young.
Two: I am not lazy. I do not spend my days on the couch eating donuts and watching Oprah reruns. My days are very full, thankyouverymuch.So, back to the straw that broke the camel's back. I was, indirectly, called USELESS, because I don't have a job. USELESS.I am useless because I choose to wake up and have breakfast with my kids. Spend my days teaching them, spending endless amounts of time enjoying them. Useless because I choose to be with my kids. Provide a safe and loving environment and read them stories and tuck them in.Useless, because I have set them on a pedestal, with all other priorities falling behind.
I'm only going to say this once, because I am not a rude person. Because my mother taught me to say nice things or nothing at all.
Those people who judge our decisions as parents, You can take your harsh judgements and your opinions, and you can shove them wayyyy up there.
It doesn't seem to matter what it is that you decide to do as a parent, you're judged!
Working mom? SHUN! Stay-at-home-mom? DOUBLE-SHUN!! Co-sleeper? MURDERER!! Extended Breastfeeder? CHILD ABUSE! Attachment parent? FREAK!! "Ferberizer"? OH THE HORROR!!!!
So yeah.I guess this post isn't just about me and my situation. It's venting post. Those working mamas? All the power to you. I absolutely do not believe that you love your children any less, do not take this as a personal attack. Maybe you love them more, in a certain sense, because you leave them every day to be able to provide for them.
Whatever method you choose to raise your child, whatever fits you and your family best, do it with all of your might.
Everyone has their opinion. Everyone always will.
I'd just prefer if they'd keep it to themselves.