Good times with friends {& a very happy birthday to a beautiful boy}

Yesterday we spent the afternoon and a good part of the evening celebrating the first birthday of Koen, the son of a good friend of mine from high school. A few years ago he moved to Calgary, met the girl who would become his wife, and had his first child. We've seen them a few times since but this was the first time I got to meet his little son.
We had a great time and when the day was over, we said our goodbyes. I don't know when the time will come when I will see them again... Why does the world have to be so big??


                                                    

Wordless Wednesday {Beautiful Girl}

Lately, in the gardens.. {A backyard in bloom}

An obligatory post about breastfeeding {& how we have made it this far}

6 month acheivement ribbon - Garnet

Another post about breastfeeding? Why? What makes it so special? All I'm doing is providing for my baby the biological standard.. doing what my body was meant to do.. big friggin' deal, right?

Well, yeah. To me, it is a big deal.

I am proud of myself. We have made it to six months. Half a year, with no end in sight.. I have had my share of troubles with breastfeeding my children and I am damn proud every single day.

And so I will speak out. I will yell out. I will post ribbons and photos and tell myself;
"Way to go, Mama. You're doing it. You have every right to be proud."

So here we are, 6 months in. The bare minimum I told myself, and now that we're here, I can't imagine stopping.
We are a team, and we're winning.

& a sharp realization.

So after posting my most recent "Wordless Wednesday" I clicked on the button to view my blog and saw that I have not posted anything at all since last wednesday. For shame. I have not posted a recipe in many weeks, and nothing of substance for quite some time.

What gives?

After the surgery I had just before easter, my frequency took a dive and hasn't quite recovered. I wanted to post about my surgery.. about the emotions I was feeling and the ordeal I thought we would have at the hospital that never happened, but I couldn't quite bring myself to write it out.. maybe because I can barely articulate it to myself, let alone get it down on paper, so to speak.

I need to motivate myself to write more consistently, or I know I will regret it. Even if I'm not writing these stories for anyone but myself, I feel better when I get it out and have something to be able to look back through and read. I record of my life, so to speak.

Consider this my promise to myself. A promise to get my feelings and stories down and in words.

Wordless Wednesday {Time for a change}

Wordless Wednesday {Tummy Time}

Twelve Months of Trenton {Six}

Six months? Really? Six? That's half a year. That's halfway to the point when we are blowing out birthday candles and watching you chase balloons around the room, stumbling on your new walking legs like a little drunk.
How has half a year passed us by since you came into our lives?? At this rate, next week you'll  be off to school and the week after that, you'll be shaving. Slow down little one!!!

Six Months:
Size: You are still so tiny..albeit tall. You wear size 3m onesies, and 3-6 month sleepers. Your feet are huge and you wear 6-12 and 12-18 socks and size 2 shoes. You are still in size 2 diapers.

Weight/Length: You were weighed last 2 weeks ago and you were 14.2, I think by now you're just under 15lbs. You're about 26 inches long, which is crazy tall! Your sister was that height at around one. I think you will take after your great-pepere and be tall as an adult. Lord knows you don't get it from Mom & Dad.

Your new favourite thing this month is your Jolly Jumper. You go crazy in it! You look like a little jack-rabbit. The first time we put you in it, you made Mom & Dad laugh so hard, we were crying. Hailey and Kaleb fell on the floor laughing at you.

You're eating solids! Your favourites so far are barley, sweet potatoes, squash and pears. Mmm. Dada bought me a new food processer for Mother's Day, so I can get busy making all sorts of delicious food for your tummy.

We are still nursing like champs with no end in sight. You still wake up once or twice in the night to nurse, but I don't mind at all. You usually go right back to sleep after and I like our quiet time together. I will remember to cherish those moments.

You talk and laugh all the time. You are always smiling. it makes us all so happy to see you smile. You're a pretty happy baby. You prefer being held, but you don't mind being put down in your bouncer every so often so I can get things done. You love, love, love being outside and I don't hear a peep from you when we're in the car or walking outside.

Thanks for the past 6 months, little buddy, here's to the next 6. :)

Sleep Deprivation {It happens to the best of us}

The little one has been stirring up some trouble in the bedroom as of late.

He will give me some rest every 4th night or so, but other than that, I spend my nights with him at my breast, screaming, flailing, arms punching my chest, little feet kicking my stomach.

What am I doing wrong? What is going on? I can't take this...

I stare at him. I stare at the clock. I change his diaper. I strip off his clothes. I rearrange our bodies and try to make everyone more comfortable. I sigh loudly. I stroke his face. I speak to him in whispers because somehow my husband's deep breaths beside me let me know that he is sleeping though this madness.

Why are you crying, child? Why can't you just tell me what to do? I'll do anything, I swear. The others slept through the night by now. Why do you cry so much?


I know it will pass. These sleepless nights are just another tiny, miniscule little part of life that passes us by before we even know what has happened.. then, he'll be another 5 year old, another 8 year old, looking way too big as I pull their blankets up around their sleeping bodies before I go to my own bed.
But at this moment, I feel helpless. I feel alone. I feel like the only person in the world who is suppose to make you stop crying and comfort you and for some reason, I cannot.

I love you. I love you. I'm not angry, just sad. Just really, really sad.


Sooner or later his eyes close. whether he wanted milk and it wasn't coming fast enough, or whether he wanted his clothes off, or whether he wanted to be tucked in the crook of my arm just so. I look at him for a few minutes before I drift off as well, and for that moment, all the frustration and sadness fades away and all it is, is me and my child and I am grateful for this moment that is ours, despite everything.

And somehow, everything is right in the world.