Separation Anxiety {Part Deux}

So this past weekend, I went to Rob's cousins bachelorette party in ottawa, which just happens to be a little over 3 hours away from home sweet home.

On friday night, I packed my belongings into a little bag, put what I needed into the back of my car, and wrote out a list for Rob.

I don't care what the house looks like when i get back, as long as there are four smiling faces.

I didn't sleep a wink. I tossed, I turned. I went through every possible terrible scenario in my head, as only a mother can.

On Saturday morning I dragged myself out of bed and spent the early hours with my babies. I don't think I put the littlest one down for an instant. I felt sick.

Rob, give me a reason not to go.. I'll stay home if you ask me to.

My loving husband just smiled knowingly and shook his head. He reasoned with me that of course I'm going. It's necessary, and that they were all going to be just fine.
Saturday afternoon, I gave their four faces one last (or seven) kisses, jumped in my car and started driving, without looking back.

Here I go

A few hours (and a few phone calls) later, I arrived at my destination and got myself ready to enjoy the night. The night went on, I had a good time and while I missed my family dearly, I didn't worry. Not once.
I called my sleepy husband in the wee hours of the morning and after some reassurance from him, I dozed off to the images of him and the littlest one fast asleep in our bed, the older kids safe and sound in theirs.
I called again as soon as I woke up in the morning, while I was basically strapped in a chair, relieving my body from a night without nursing.

"He was an angel, Mama. You'd be so proud."

My heart swelled with both pride and a little bit of sadness. (That whole irrational thinking that we get about our babies not needing us so badly) and I told him how much I couldn't wait to see their faces.
When I finally turned into our driveway after another few hours of driving, I was greeted my two running, soaking wet kids in their swimsuits, screaming at me how much they had missed me and how happy they were that I was home.

Swallow that lump, Janyne. If you cry, they're going to think something is wrong. And oh, there is nothing in the world that has ever felt so right.

My husband walks out of the house, carrying the littlest one who is smiling an ear-to-ear grin, and stretches his little arms out towards me.

"He was perfect, Mama. I told him, too. I thanked him for being so good for Dad."

They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder and there have never been truer words spoken. After only one night away, I have never felt more at home.

This is the life I was meant to live. This is home. This is happiness.