Trying to be selfless {& putting myself last.. first?}

I have worked on and off through my life, but for the better part of my time as a mother, I have been home with my kids. My daughter was born when I was far too young to have a child, and we struggled when she was a baby. I attended college for the earlier part of her life and obtained a degree in Early Childhood Education. I worked in public daycare for a little while until we moved further from the city, where I worked at meaningless jobs for a little while. Once Kaleb came along I stayed at home for a year, until we moved again, this time out west to follow Rob's family and see where it would take us. While we lived there and once we moved back, I continued working until after we bought our house. At that point, it was beginning to become evident that Kaleb was struggling and that he needed me home with him, so I quit my job to be home with him full-time. I babysat a few kids here and there but nothing ever really stuck.
Over the past few years I have flirted with the idea of going back to school, even though the thought is terrifying.. it is something that I really hope to do, and I let myself get my hopes up that I was going to return in January, after the baby's first birthday.

Unfortunately for me, that's just not going to happen.

Being a stay-at-home mom has been relatively easy for me up until now. Truthfully, I am doig what comes naturally to me, and that's caring for my children. Sure, I run out of patience on some days.. and other days I get a little stir-crazy.. but for the most part, I am genuinly content with where I am.

But I know it can't last forever.

Deep down in there, there's a part of me that aches to do something meaningful with my life.. to work with children like my son and feel rewarded and the end of the day. There is a part of me that yearns to make something better of myself.. to be proud of myself and subsequently have my children be proud of their mother.

It always comes down to money, in the end.

We live on one income, we're used to this and we do fine on a day-to-day basis, but to factor in tuition, along with the cost of childcare, without the second income.. just isn't doable right now.
I had to sit down and really think about this.. on one hand, I could be selfish and just do it, and on the other, I could put my family and my marriage first and set aside myself for a little longer.

I think the answer is as obvious to you as it was to me.

Rob and I already have the odds stacked up against us. We fight stereotypes every day. We got together young, had kids young, bought property young.. by all rhyme and reason we should end in a messy divorce and end up poverty-stricken, but that just isn't going to happen for us.
Maybe if I hadn't married my best friend.. maybe if we didn't have an immeasurable amount of love and respect for one another, maybe if it was anyone but us.
That being said, I feel responsible to not put an unnecessary strain on our marriage, be it financial or otherwise, so for now, furthering my education will take the back burner.

I'm not sure what the future holds for me and my family, but I know this, beyond any shadow of a doubt.

We will get there, together.